It's Friday afternoon. The PBT will gather around the table in a few hours (well, most of us, anyway). It feels like it's been awhile since we've been together. Time continues to move funny, things blur together. It'll be three months soon, since everything changed. Some days it feels like much less, some days much more. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey.
Yesterday moved slowly. I spent a decent chunk of it at Starbucks, using their slow internet since mine wasn't working at home. It was nice, out of the corner of my eye, to see E in her native environment, being the welcoming, light filled kid that she is. In the evening, I went to work, and yet again, my Muse went out of her way to avoid me. Breaks my heart every time. Truly.
My head and heart have been so full of motion since waking up this morning, even though I am still sitting here with bed head and no pants on after 4pm. (Depression is a bitch.) Amy called to check on me, and I've shot a few letters back and forth with Brian, and I feel blessed and lonely all at the same time. Why can't I find peace in my solitude anymore?
There was a bit of something in the air, just a bit, a little before noon. I heard a new tune from Tim Bowness, whose voice I adore, and watched a video about a cartoonist I'd not heard of who died recently. (The fact that she was a trans woman pushed all kinds of buttons for me.) I watched a Daryl Hall webcast and was saddened to hear that T-Bone Wolk died last year.
The last tune Daryl sang was The Weight, and I found myself singing along, thinking again about how much I need to sing. When I sing, I am not the public Icarus, nor the private Icarus. I am not the words I am singing. I am something else, in love with melody. I'm not explaining it right. But there is something in there. Something I need to find.
Alright. Out for a little fun. More tonight.
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