The story of how difficult it has been for me to perform my shamanic duties these last few months has been well documented. If this had been a third straight back breaker, I think I would have refrained from torturing you all with the details. Mercifully, it was anything but a back breaker.
There was such a gentle, nurturing energy threaded through tonight's Healing Circle. With eleven participants (plus the four team members) it was a perfect size for an intimate gathering; neither too big nor too small. Even getting a late start setting up (due to SSYTT running late) didn't derail things.
Jason, Brian, Kelli and myself all seemed to have our "A" games, dishing out the healing modalities while allowing ourselves (mostly) to drink up the reciprocal healing vibe coming off the tribe as a whole. It goes without saying that it was by far the best of the three ceremonies since my Muse and That Dear Boy left.
It's been so so difficult, doing this work without them. Never do I miss them more then on Circle days. As I always do, I brought my love for them into the work, and held the space, in the hopes that we might all work our magick together again one day. That hope gets dimmer every day, but I always keep it close to my heart, nonetheless.
Now, of course, it is my turn to leave for a little while. I will miss the rest of the Team, of course, but honestly, I am so worn out from my heartbreak and my changes that three months off will be very good for me. Especially with the excitement that was generated tonight when we talked about the Institute, I want to be at my best come September.
So this is the memory I will take with me on my pilgrimage : of a peaceful, cozy circle, of the kind souls who chose to spend an evening with us, of a shamanic team finding its groove, despite absences that can never really be filled. When I tell my story to the new friends I make, I will be able to explain to them, "This is why I do this ... "
Thank you, My Lady, for this tender, much needed gift.
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