It's late, and it's about 80 degrees up here in The Womb. I am wide awake and I want to read every book in here all at once. Some nights are like that.
Today was extraordinarily bipolar. After easing into the day with E, I had my monthly doctor appointment. After discovering that both my weight and my blood pressure are through the roof (which should surprise no one) my doctor and I had another in a long line of deeply insightful talks. I was able to talk freely about my work and my regeneration and everything. What a marvelous ally she is!
Neither E nor I wanted to go home, so we drove down to Bridgewater Mall, where I hadn't been in years, and walked around a bit before having a bite to eat. (During the walking, we stopped at Bridget's Irish Cottage, and it hit me like a ton of rocks ... I'M ACTUALLY GOING THERE!) After we finished our lunch, we got into my second big discussion in as many hours. Some days are like that.
I'm not really sure how to encapsulate what we talked about. It was so big and so so personal. But basically, it came down to reassuring each other that no matter how much things are changing, we will always be home for each other. (The title of this entry is how she described herself and I, respectively, at one point in the discussion. It's better than my other title, "A Life In Food Courts"!)
Neither one of us wanted to close the circle, but I had to get to work, and in fact ended up squeaking in the door with only about ten minutes to spare. Normally Tuesdays are Muse free, but I suppose she is cramming to make her class quota before graduation. Once again, she would not come down to sign in, and once again it hurt me deeply. At that point, I couldn't even bring myself to go upstairs and count the class in. It's time to go. It's really time to go.
After I got home around 9, and after sharing my despair with the Lovelies (ain't you lucky you get to be around the private Icarus???) Bug went to bed with yet another migraine, and E and I totally phoned it in and had popcorn for dinner while watching National Treasure. I truly do not feel guilty one damn bit. Some nights are like that.
A bit of The Invisibles, then bed. Maybe.
I think your "discombobulation" could be because in your mind, you are already on that plane. Hang in there, my dear, and remain focused on this world for a bit longer, and soon you will be on your way to that other world.
ReplyDeleteHugs!!!