Inversions ...

It's late again, the second night in a row I am closing on 3am.  Tonight, it is old Yes videos on You Tube, from the Big Generator tour in 1988.  I have never been afraid to admit how much I adore the Trevor Rabin era of that band.  I was just the right age in 1983 (eight) to be blown away by Owner of a Lonely Heart.  I had been playing drums for two years already, and had enjoyed Hall & Oates' Private Eyes album, Genesis' Abacab and The Police's Ghost in the Machine, but there was something about 90125 ... something I definitely didn't have words for when I was eight.  It was my Beatles On Ed Sullivan moment, and I would not be closing in on my 30th drumming anniversary in August if it weren't for that song / album.

It's so nice to be thinking about something good and decent and simple, after a very difficult day.  E has begun to cover most of my shifts at the 'Seed, as I have been phasing out my presence there ahead of my trip.  Unfortunately, this means that she ran into The Muse this morning, and they ended up having a big talk about yoga and psychics and whatnot.  Of course, I was the white elephant in the room, and if not for the oblivious intervention of our mutual friend Harriet, who asked about me and wondered when I was leaving, I never would have come up.  I can't quite put into words why this whole thing got me so upset.  Maybe I just figured the status quo would remain in place until I left.  Maybe I needed the status quo to remain in place until I left.  I don't know ...

What I do know is that I was a mess, and I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't hold on to the diner energy from Friday night.  I guess this is why I am leaving.  I can keep myself busy and put on my mask  and do my work and try to be who everyone needs me to be, but at my core I'm still broken, and I need to connect with some deeper sources if I want to heal.  As a Band Aid, E and I drove up to the Walkway Over The Hudson again.  It was not nearly as smooth a trip as the one last week, but we did find a bit of peace in the end, not only high above the Mighty Hudson but also at Yummies, our favorite little ice cream / mini golf place up the road.  We got home around 10 pm and, you guessed it ... Glee episodes 11 & 12.  We really want to finish season one before I leave, and this week is pretty busy, so we'll see ...

For the record, I pressed the Invert button in Photoshop by accident when I was resizing the photo, and I just loved the colors, so I left it, and named this entry after it.  There doesn't seem to be any deeper meaning to me, at least at the moment, but who knows ... ?  Here, then, is what it actually looked like on the Walkway, looking West.

Good night.  Dream of pink trees.