My session with Jason went to the heart of my recent changes, and gave me the strongest indication yet that I have done the right thing, becoming Icarus. He likened this latest chapter in my transformation to when he and Jyoti took on spiritual names and became "Jason & Jyoti". He reiterated, as he did two weeks ago, that I should be in no rush to go back to what I was doing, to who I was becoming, and that instead I need to take advantage of the increase in power I have been feeling and the new way that people are seeing me. When I told him I intended to do so, but that I felt like I've given up a lot to get here, he told me, quite forcefully, that becoming Icarus is part of my work, and that the path I had been on took me as far as it could, and that I should not look back. Scary, scary stuff. Thank The Lady I have a teacher like Jason that I can really go deep with.
When we wrapped up around 530, I went to the 'Seed and did some karma kleaning with Sister Sunshine. We had our usual fun time and witty banter (and now she wants to go to Columcille) and got the chandra and office and halls nice and spiffy. I was actually feeling quite strong when I bumped into The Muse, and thus engaged her in talking for a minute or two, which was as frustrating as it was interesting. With our next circle, a Shamanic Journey, coming up on Sunday, it's hard not to think about how much I miss her presence (and her drumming) in that space. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get her to come back for the May Healing Circle, before my three month hiatus. I know you're thinking I should move on, Gentle Reader, but it just doesn't feel right to do so, to let go of that space that we created. Something is holding me back. I need to see that through.
Just as I was shutting down the office, I got into a long discussion with Meredith, who runs the holistic lighting business down the hall (in our old office space, actually). We've become fast friends these last few months, since around Bhagavan Das I think, and she was just as surprised at my new appearance as everyone else. Since she understands the woo woo, we talked about what I was doing in terms of the work of the South and West, and she was a great sounding board. With a near empty fridge, I had to stop at the A&P on the way home, and bought myself some rather unhealthy things. (That's what you get for going to store after not eating for close to nine hours!) Dinner was tasty, around 1030pm, and then I told E and J the stories of the day. After all of this, I did not even have the energy to unwrap my new iPad, which arrived today. Must get to that soon.
Yay!! Finally have your iPad in hand; congratulations.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you; although any potential ending is not clear to me at all, I do believe that this situation with your Muse is not over yet; there is really no final resolution. It's kind of like a tune that doesn't end with a nice, grounded chord; we are left hanging, waiting for the resolution.
My opinion, for what it is worth, is that this will take some time, but as long as you don't push, there is hope for a reconnection of some kind (although I can't see if it will be as you wish it to be). I sense that Mary has put up a 7 foot thick brick wall of a shield around her, supported by fear of the unknown, and it will take a while for the astral muscles holding that shield in place to relax.
I think of Mary often, and have picked up my cell phone to call her several times to check on her. but I fear that I will make things worse, considering that she knows me through the PBT.
I felt drawn for some reason to pull a card for you this morning; I always follow those urges. At first, I reached for my Legacy Tarot, but then my hand hesitated, and then slid over to my Thoth Tarot. Yes, that is the deck for you. I shuffled, and threw The Aeon reversed. I will be sending you an email with my thoughts; too much to put here.
I thought of you this morning, and will be mentioning you in my blog post once I finally get it up, when I describe how the beach looked on this windy Saturday. LOL, and that happened before I came here and read your Avon post for this week.
Much love to you this cloudy, windy, gloriously chaotic morning!